Your way back runs straight through the truth of what happened. You don't need to tidy your feelings before you bring them to God. He can hold your anger, your grief, your why. A huge chunk of the Psalms is exactly this: people crying out, complaining, even accusing, and still being met. Lament doesn't offend God. It's one of the most honest forms of faith there is, and it's the door He's holding open for you.