If you're honest, the distance you feel isn't really mysterious. There's something you keep closing the door on, and the static between you and God is connected to it. This isn't said to shame you. It's actually hopeful, because it means the fix is within reach. God isn't waiting to punish you. He's waiting to welcome you back the second you stop running. Bring Him the thing you've been avoiding. His mercy is right there on the other side of honesty.